Tag Archives: United Nations

SO LONG, PINKOS – FOX FAREWELLS SYDMUN 2013

By James Lawler, for Fox News

It’s been a big three days for FOX News in SydVEGAS. We’ve covered everything from North Korean refugee abuses to international terror-funding financial controls, even though FOX’s financial knowledge is limited to remembering his 4-digit PIN number (and FOX can’t remember both of them).

We’ve seen the Security Council eject Human Rights (literally) and become a geopolitical ashram, the Third General Assembly turn into a Battle of the Longest Speech, and the Sydney Uni New Law building become a mosh-pit for pizza. Somalia’s been colonised, the UN’s been cyberattacked, and Ban Ki-Moon has taken up the Charles Taylor-model of leadership. FOX has tweeted loud, grilled hard and drunk far more than is sobre and sensible.

After Fair and Balanced consideration, FOX can confidently say that crypto-communists out to destroy the greatest land on earth, the good old US of A, and the Christian family values it stands for. But, some of you have revealed yourselves to be true Americans (at least in spirit), and for that FOX is glad.

Thus, as the final night is on us, this correspondent recommends two paths. For the patriots tonight, drink hard. And for the leftists, they say some find God at the bottom of the bottle – so drink hard for Jesus.
God bless, and down with the liberal agenda,FOX NEWS

Press Release in the UNDP

By Tiffany Alexander, for the BBC

Debate transpired today in the UNDP over the appropriate course of action to publicly acknowledge the tragedy that has struck Cambodia and Somalia. If the public comes to the conclusion that the statement is ‘neutral’ (in it’s language? In it’s emotional impact?) then they will be satisfying Norway who felt this was ‘appropriate’ for a press release. The implication by Norway that journalism is purely empirical is possibly a view shared by Israel who refused to acknowledge the statement, the other explanation being his vendetta against Cambodia and hence a refusal to pay her people respects. This action is at least consistent with his radical impression on the committee so far. The statement is as follows:

“The international community recognizes the grave situation of the natural disasters that have recently affected Cambodia and Somalia and wish to express its sincerest condolences. In direct response to these events, the UNDP has focused upon developing an equitable humanitarian framework that enables the entire international community to react more effectively and with greater swiftness to future natural disasters and other multi-faceted humanitarian crises. In light of previous disasters and relief efforts, the UNDP seeks to streamline an efficient response for all affected nations.”

ILC Tardiness Delays Debate Significantly, Public Confidence in UN at Risk

By Alex Wilde, for The Washington Post

The delegates of the ILC may be among the most intelligent legal minds in the world, as was made evident by their superb reasoning during yesterday’s session. Their flouting of basic ethical standards in failing to turn up to committee however falls far short of what is universally demanded of seasoned legal representatives.

sleepy

Only three delegates turned up to committee at the starting time of 9am. By 10:30am, two more delegates arrived to bring attendance to five, still short of the seven needed to resume debate. At publication, the two extra delegates have yet to turn up, meaning debate has yet to resume.

This behaviour is appalling, plain and simple. This session of the ILC is one of the most important in recent memory. The international community needs clear guidelines on how to conduct humanitarian intervention. The prolonged Syrian crisis is clear evidence of this. For ILC delegates to trivialise the lives of millions of citizens at the expense of their own leisure can only be described as scandalous.

There is no doubt that public confidence in the United Nations and related institutions has been severely damaged by this atrocious display. People all over the world have grown weary of the inability of the UN to adequately address conflict, and there was much hope that the outcomes of this session would rectify this lack of confidence. Unfortunately, the day for such change will have to wait another day, even if it would take the deaths of another thousand Syrian citizens to get there.Diplomatic standards could not possibly steep to lower depths than this.

UNHRC misname DPRK, DPRK remains a beacon of international diplomacy

By Rachel Lobo, for the Korean Central News Agency

It is not democratic to refer to a nation state by anything other than the name of their nation state as decided by the populous of their state. The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea is not ‘North Korea’ and dishonourable delegates of this session of the United Nations Human Rights Council seem to have forgotten or are deliberately and belligerently omitting this fact from international dialogue, in addition to the current draft resolution being scrutinised on the 30th of November 2013.

Despite all the putrid vitriol being smeared over the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea’s previously unstained reputation this session, progress has finally been made within this Council’s chambers.

It was proposed by DPRK that the very inflammatory and disproportionate Clause 4 read as “Encourage the DPRK to welcome dialogue with the international community, and similarly engage in multilateral dialogue and diplomacy, for the benefit of all parties” be made more noble through the insertion of a sub-clause that “Calls upon all parties to agree on conditions that are satisfactory to both the DPRK and the international community”. This very sound suggestion was met with approval by over two-thirds of the committee. Former allies of the traitorous states of South Korea and the United State clearly recognised the previous errors of their ways and decided to vote alongside the stoic DPRK.

It was a championing of open political discourse and understanding. Wise words were spoken to this Korean Central News Agency Reporter by the ever so enlightened Victor Luo, Head of the Martial Arts School at Kim Il-Sung Military University, in regards to the passing of the amendment, ‘Definitely the excellent work of the Grand Marshall himself, his encouragement and support not only of the representative of the DPRK but also the people of the DPRK. Members of the international community are definitely opening their eyes and not subjecting themselves to further propaganda of the allied human western scum.’

UNHCRkim
Social Media Response of Mr Victor Luo as of 11:22AM UNHRC Facebook Group

This great championing was met with a short fifteen minute coffee break, not in the form of an unmoderated caucus as one would expect. As other delegates with less shiny ideas re-entered chambers, Luo acutely recognises ‘it’s time to listen to more rhetoric.’In more important news, new technological developments in the Kimjongilia flower take precedence over the proceedings of this council as dialogue is diluted by unfounded human rights abuses by dictatorial inquiries into our affairs by the United Nations, United States and other such warmongerers.

SECURITY COUNCIL OFFICIALLY REJECTS HUMAN RIGHTS, PRESS FREEDOM

By James Lawler, for Fox News

If you’ve been following FOX News’ dogged reporting of the 2013 SydMUN Conference, you’ll be all too aware of the danger to man’s fundamental freedoms presented by the liberal and fascist media. Now, it seems, the disease has spread to the most important of UN institutions – the Security Council.

Yesterday afternoon, your dashing FOX correspondent took his seat in the hallowed Council, alongside representatives from Al-Jazeera and Human Rights, an international NGO. We entered in good faith, willing to report (with Fairness and Balance) the Security Council’s deliberations on Pakistan’s sectarian violence.

Yet, just as the delegate for China motioned to suspend formal debate and open real, gritty discussion – chaos. The Director crashed her non-existent gavel. She thundered that press delegates and NGO representatives were to be ejected from the chamber. Desperately your FOX correspondent alone protested, crying out for press freedom – but we were driven from the room, along with the last flicker of transparency in the United Nations.

Outside the chamber, the press and NGO representatives languished in silence. While the fate of South Asia was being decided in your name, FOX was left to beg for scraps of information from passing delegates – to no avail. Finally, after an eternity, we were permitted to re-enter the Security Council; we were rewarded for our – your – agony with a “press release” so obviously deceitful it would make Machiavelli blush.

The hallmark of totalitarian leftist regimes, such as Stalin’s Russia or Obama’s America, was (and is) their lack of political transparency and independent media scrutiny. Sadly, FOX must conclude that this filthy political pestilence has seeped and oozed its way into the UN, and we condemn the Security Council for their callous assault on liberal democracy. Yet, dear reader, this FOX correspondent will press on in its coverage – for truth, freedom, and the American way.