Tag Archives: Fox News Channel

SO LONG, PINKOS – FOX FAREWELLS SYDMUN 2013

By James Lawler, for Fox News

It’s been a big three days for FOX News in SydVEGAS. We’ve covered everything from North Korean refugee abuses to international terror-funding financial controls, even though FOX’s financial knowledge is limited to remembering his 4-digit PIN number (and FOX can’t remember both of them).

We’ve seen the Security Council eject Human Rights (literally) and become a geopolitical ashram, the Third General Assembly turn into a Battle of the Longest Speech, and the Sydney Uni New Law building become a mosh-pit for pizza. Somalia’s been colonised, the UN’s been cyberattacked, and Ban Ki-Moon has taken up the Charles Taylor-model of leadership. FOX has tweeted loud, grilled hard and drunk far more than is sobre and sensible.

After Fair and Balanced consideration, FOX can confidently say that crypto-communists out to destroy the greatest land on earth, the good old US of A, and the Christian family values it stands for. But, some of you have revealed yourselves to be true Americans (at least in spirit), and for that FOX is glad.

Thus, as the final night is on us, this correspondent recommends two paths. For the patriots tonight, drink hard. And for the leftists, they say some find God at the bottom of the bottle – so drink hard for Jesus.
God bless, and down with the liberal agenda,FOX NEWS

Advertisements

SECURITY COUNCIL OFFICIALLY REJECTS HUMAN RIGHTS, PRESS FREEDOM

By James Lawler, for Fox News

If you’ve been following FOX News’ dogged reporting of the 2013 SydMUN Conference, you’ll be all too aware of the danger to man’s fundamental freedoms presented by the liberal and fascist media. Now, it seems, the disease has spread to the most important of UN institutions – the Security Council.

Yesterday afternoon, your dashing FOX correspondent took his seat in the hallowed Council, alongside representatives from Al-Jazeera and Human Rights, an international NGO. We entered in good faith, willing to report (with Fairness and Balance) the Security Council’s deliberations on Pakistan’s sectarian violence.

Yet, just as the delegate for China motioned to suspend formal debate and open real, gritty discussion – chaos. The Director crashed her non-existent gavel. She thundered that press delegates and NGO representatives were to be ejected from the chamber. Desperately your FOX correspondent alone protested, crying out for press freedom – but we were driven from the room, along with the last flicker of transparency in the United Nations.

Outside the chamber, the press and NGO representatives languished in silence. While the fate of South Asia was being decided in your name, FOX was left to beg for scraps of information from passing delegates – to no avail. Finally, after an eternity, we were permitted to re-enter the Security Council; we were rewarded for our – your – agony with a “press release” so obviously deceitful it would make Machiavelli blush.

The hallmark of totalitarian leftist regimes, such as Stalin’s Russia or Obama’s America, was (and is) their lack of political transparency and independent media scrutiny. Sadly, FOX must conclude that this filthy political pestilence has seeped and oozed its way into the UN, and we condemn the Security Council for their callous assault on liberal democracy. Yet, dear reader, this FOX correspondent will press on in its coverage – for truth, freedom, and the American way.