Category Archives: 1GA

SO LONG, PINKOS – FOX FAREWELLS SYDMUN 2013

By James Lawler, for Fox News

It’s been a big three days for FOX News in SydVEGAS. We’ve covered everything from North Korean refugee abuses to international terror-funding financial controls, even though FOX’s financial knowledge is limited to remembering his 4-digit PIN number (and FOX can’t remember both of them).

We’ve seen the Security Council eject Human Rights (literally) and become a geopolitical ashram, the Third General Assembly turn into a Battle of the Longest Speech, and the Sydney Uni New Law building become a mosh-pit for pizza. Somalia’s been colonised, the UN’s been cyberattacked, and Ban Ki-Moon has taken up the Charles Taylor-model of leadership. FOX has tweeted loud, grilled hard and drunk far more than is sobre and sensible.

After Fair and Balanced consideration, FOX can confidently say that crypto-communists out to destroy the greatest land on earth, the good old US of A, and the Christian family values it stands for. But, some of you have revealed yourselves to be true Americans (at least in spirit), and for that FOX is glad.

Thus, as the final night is on us, this correspondent recommends two paths. For the patriots tonight, drink hard. And for the leftists, they say some find God at the bottom of the bottle – so drink hard for Jesus.
God bless, and down with the liberal agenda,FOX NEWS

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The SMH buys out the NYT

By Sonia Feng, for the Sydney Morning Herald

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There has been a surprising turn of events within the International Press Gallery. The Sydney Morning Herald can finally confirm that Fairfax Media Limited has bought out The New York Times. Many in the unsuspecting international audience and broader viewership of The New York Times can cry a bloody river, because keep your hats on, the situation is riddled with a twofold story. A mildly entertaining saga, at that, within the world of riches.

Many will remember that merely a year ago, Fox News president and blatant justice obstructer despot, Roger Ailes, notably said in response to buying out The New York Times, in pursuit of some sort of heroic crusade to “purge the socialist rag of its un-American content and transform it into a paper for proper Americans”.

Well touché Fox News. Looks like Fairfax heard half of that message to purge it of its un-American content before Gina Rinehart got on another bandwagon of media investment.

Gina ‘eat your mines out’ Rinehart, the world’s richest woman, mining tycoon and budding media mogul has decided that monopoly over other industries can be both transnational and profitable.

In a precedential move towards media domination and public trust, Gina Rinehart has bought the NYT from Fox News. Speaking about her fellow conservative business partner slash broker, Rinehart has gone on the record to announce that she intends to “purge the un-American content [of the NYT] and transform it into a paper for proper Australians”. With a change of pace to its editorial direction, the SMH hopes that The New York Times will now be completely quote unquote “Australian”.

See no evil, hear no evil, do no evil?

By Scott Voevodin, for the Xinhua News Agency

Not with a bang, but a whimper. That is the state of play in the hall of the 1st General Assembly of the United Nations is in right now as the Sydney Morning Herald leaked a Japanese/American mining company attack on United Nations peacekeeping forces and civilians.

As debate turned towards a tentative working paper, the Directors of the 1st GA broke the news of non state actors launching such an attack against non military targets. Delegates were non plussed.

Debate continued, with the 18 dead not a priority at all on the committee floor.

Crisis in the First General Assembly

By Sonia Feng, for the Sydney Morning Herald

BREAKING: There are unconfirmed reports that a private military company (PMC) has attacked UN peacekeeping forces (comprised mainly of Pakistani and Indian troops) in Venezuela. There is confirmation that a chemical or biological weapon was used, however it is unknown whether it was by the PMC or another non-state actor in the vicinity.

It has been confirmed that casualties number at 9 women, 7 men and a total of 18 others injured. Many are reported to be suffering from severe burns.

It is rumoured that this PMC was hired by a joint Japanese-Australian mining company. This is not surprising news given that both Japan and Australia hold national PMC headquarters. Although if the rumours prove to be true, this will be the first of accounts holding a joint Japanese-Australian mining company liable.
Although there are a number of national and international laws that regulate the use of private armies, existing legislation does not cover the current status of private security contractors. International efforts to control the use of PMCs have failed to effectively deal with many of the issues related to their use.
Ban Ki-moon, secretary-general of the United Nations has strongly condemned this unprovoked act of aggression as “reprehensibly unfounded”.